婚姻学堂
正常的饮食，做些运动，还参加年度体检，也许你觉得，为了保持健康你做了所有力所能及的事情。
你的婚姻让你生病了吗？
爸妈在线译
You eat right. You exercise. You get an annual physical. You probably think you”re doing everything you can to stay healthy.
正常的饮食，做些运动，还参加年度体检，也许你觉得，为了保持健康你做了所有力所能及的事情。
But here”s one more thing you need to do: Learn how to argue well with your spouse.
但是，还有一件事需要你去做，那就是学习怎么样与你的配偶更适当的争执。
A new study from Ohio State University shows just how physically harmful it can be to argue the wrong way. In the study， 37 married couples were brought into a hospital research lab， and a tiny vacuum device gave them eight 8-mm blisters on their forearms. Each couple was then videotaped while having conversations， and researchers graded them on their communication skills， noting who had distressing or hostile styles of communicating.
来自俄亥俄州立大学的新研究显示，失当的沟通方式对身体是非常有害的。在这项研究中，37对已婚夫妇被带入医院的研究实验室，通过一个小小的真空装置，在他们的前臂安放8个8毫米的浮泡。每对夫妻谈话期间，将会被录像记录，然后研究人员根据他们的沟通技巧来评定，并留意那些不愉快的和敌对的沟通方式。
After 12 days， the researchers noticed that the blisters healed faster on the couples who had more positive communication styles， and the blisters healed the slowest on the couples with more negative styles.
12天以后，研究人员发现，那些浮泡愈合快的夫妇，往往有着积极的沟通方式，而那些浮泡愈合的最慢的夫妇，则更多是使用了一些消极的方式。
Why would physical wounds heal more quickly among the better communicators? The researchers at Ohio State who did the study think it might have something to do with oxytocin.
为什么那些善于沟通的人身体的创伤愈合的更快呢？俄亥俄州方面的研究人员认为这与催产素有关。
“Oxytocin is a protective hormone，” says Janice Kiecolt-Glaser， the lead author of the study， who noted that the better communicators in her study — the ones whose wounds healed the fastest — had the highest levels of oxytocin in their blood.
该项研究的主要负责人贾尼斯认为，催产素是一种保护性的荷尔蒙，那些较善于交流的人，伤口愈合的最快的人，血液中的催产素含量最高。
The study was recently published in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology.
这项研究成果最近发表在精神神经内分泌学杂志上。
There are certainly many examples of high-profile troubled marriages. For example， actor Charlie Sheen was arrested in connection with an argument he had with his wife last Christmas Day; a court hearing on the case was delayed Monday. But husbands and wives don”t always make the connection that stressful marriages can actually harm your physical health.
当然了，还是有很多大人物为婚姻所困扰的例子。例如，演员查理希恩因为在去年圣诞节与妻子的一次争吵而被拘留，关于此案的法庭听证会推迟到周一。然而，丈夫和妻子并没有意识到，紧张的婚姻关系有损身体健康。
“People get very surprised when they hear that marital stress is actually worse for your health than workplace stress，” says Tara Parker-Pope， author of “For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage.”
For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage 的作者塔拉说，“当得知婚姻压力比工作压力更有损身体健康时，很多人感到惊讶。”
Overall， couples with more marital stress have worse immune function and higher blood pressure and heart rates， according to Debra Umberson， a professor of sociology at the University of Texas， who studies couples and stress.
得克萨斯大学的社会学教授恩伯森，从事夫妻关系和压力的研究，他认为，总的来讲，婚姻中压力太多的夫妇免疫功能较差，血压和心率都较高。
“Marital stress is so pernicious because it”s chronic， long-term， and you can”t get away from it，” she says “You”re having these problems day in and day out year after year， decade after decade.”
她说：“婚姻压力的危害是很大的，因为它是惯性的，长期的，你不能将它摆脱，这些问题会困扰着你，一天又一天，一年又一年，10年再10年。”
While both sexes suffer， some， but not all， studies show women suffer more physical effects from a bad marriage than men， Umberson adds.
她还补充到，尽管男女双方都深受其害，但是也有研究表明，一个不幸的婚姻会给妇女带来更多的身体危害。
Of course， having a happy marriage or relationship is easier said than done. Here are some tips for limiting marital stress to make you happier and physically healthier.
当然，有一个幸福的婚姻又谈何容易。这里有一些建议，可以用来控制婚姻压力，让你更快乐，更健康。
1. Argue well 适当地争执
“We tend to focus on how often we fight — as in， ”we”ve been fighting a lot lately” or ”we”ve haven”t fought much lately，”” Parker-Pope says. “But that”s actually pretty meaningless. What really matters is the quality of your arguments.”
塔拉说，“我们倾向于关注我们吵架的频率，例如，最近我们经常吵架，或者最近我们很少打架。但是这些事实上都是没有意义的，真正重要的是你们争执的质量。”
Let”s say， for example， your house is messy. You have a choice: you could say something like “This house such a mess， and you never help me clean it up” or you could say “I want us to learn how to be neater.” The latter， marriage experts say， is better not just for your marriage but for your and your partner”s physical health.
比方说，你的房子很凌乱。你有一个选择：你可以这样说：“这房子这么乱，你从来没有帮我打理过它，”或者你可以说“我想我们该学习如何更整洁。”婚姻专家说，后者不仅对你的婚姻有好处，而且有助于您和您的伴侣的身体健康。
“Any elements of criticism or demand make your words stressful，” Umberson says.
恩伯森说，任何的批评和要求都会让你的话语显得紧迫，有压力。
Here”s another example. Let”s say your partner has just baked cookies and the kitchen looks like a hurricane hit it.
还如，你的伴侣刚刚烤好饼干，把厨房弄的很乱。
“You could walk into the kitchen and notice the mess but not the cookies，” she says. “Or you could say， ”It smells great in here， and I can”t wait to have one of those cookies， but wow， it”s messy in here.”
你可以走进厨房，然后你关注的是周围乱糟糟的一片，而不是他做好的饼干。你也可以说“这里好香啊，我真想马上吃一块饼干，只是这里稍微有一点乱。”
If you think style doesn”t matter， think back to that Ohio State study， Parker-Pope adds.
如果你觉得方式并不重要，那你就好好回忆一下俄亥俄州的研究，塔拉补充说。
“Think about those blisters， and how slow they were to heal after a nasty comment，” she says. “This should make everyone stop and realize， ”I need to think about what I”m doing to my health and my partner”s health and make sure I”m fighting well to stay well.””
想想那些浮泡，以及一次不愉快的谈话后，他们是如何缓慢愈合的。每个人都应该停下来好好想想。思考我对我及伴侣的健康做了什么，然后确保适当的争执，保持身体的健康。
2. Your spouse is annoying — accept it! 你的伴侣令人恼火——接受这个事实！
Umberson noticed something interesting in her studies of happy couples.
在对那些幸福的夫妻研究中，恩伯森发现了一些有趣的事情。
“It”s always been striking to me that when people get along， they just accept something annoying about their partner. They don”t try to alter it，” she says.
她说，“我意外的是，在那些幸福的夫妇相处中，他们接受对方那些令人不愉快的地方，他们也不打算去改变它们。”
Case in point: The wife in one of her happy couples had the habit of stacking up books in various places around the house， including doorways. Her husband wasn”t thrilled with it， but he learned to live with it — and more.
比如，在这些婚姻幸福的夫妻中，有一个妻子有藏书的习惯，在房子各个角落，甚至是门口。他的丈夫并不喜欢这样，但是他学会了在这种环境下生活，甚至是更多的。
“He saw her as a creative， interesting， quirky person，” she says. “He just saw it as a reflection of why he”d fallen in love with her in the first place.”
在他看来，她的妻子是一个充满创造力而又离奇有趣的人。他把这种行为看做是起初爱上她的一种表现。
Here are more tips on how to have a happy marriage from the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center.
国家健康婚姻资源中心给出了更多关于如何创建幸福婚姻的建议。
3. Don”t yell at a yeller 不要对一个暴怒者吼叫
If you”re married to a yeller， don”t yell right back， advises William Doherty， a marriage and family therapist and professor in the Family Social Science Department at the University of Minnesota.
美国明尼苏达大学婚姻及家庭治疗医学家，家庭社会科学学院教授威廉建议，如果你嫁给一个容易暴怒的人，那就不要对着他回吼。
“Be strong without shouting，” he says. For example， if you”re dealing with a chronic yeller， you could respond by saying in a calm voice: “This behavior that you”re doing now I will not accept in this relationship， and if you continue it， I”m leaving.”
不用吼叫，你也可以很强大的。比如，如果你面对的是一个经常发怒的人，你可以用一种平静的声音回应他：“你现在的行为我不会认可，如果你继续这样，那我就走了。”
4. Limit the Greek chorus 限制希腊合唱队式的方法
Doherty says he”s noticed that women who are unhappy in their marriages will often confide in their girlfriends， and the typical response tends to be， “What a jerk!”
多尔蒂发现，那些婚姻不幸的妇女，往往会向自己的女朋友倾诉，得到的典型的反应往往是，“真是混蛋！”
While it”s fine to seek support from your social circle， it”s also important to go to a counselor， who will do more than commiserate， and actually help you find a solution to your problems， which might include identifying the role you”ve played in your marital difficulties.
虽然从你的社交圈中寻求支持是一种很好的做法，但是更重要的是去寻找一个咨询师，他给予的不仅仅是同情，而是真正帮助你找到解决方法，其中可能包括确定在你婚姻危机中所发挥的作用。
The website for the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy can help you find a therapist near you.
美国婚姻和家庭治疗协会的网站可以帮助你找到你附近的治疗师。
5. Recall the happy times回忆那些快乐的日子
Even in stressed-out marriage， there are often moments of happiness. Tracy Todd， a licensed marriage and family therapist in Virginia， and spokesperson for the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy， recommends analyzing them.
即使在一个即将崩溃的婚姻里，往往也是有很多幸福的时刻。特雷西.托德，弗吉尼亚州的婚姻和家庭治疗师，美国婚姻与家庭治疗协会的发言人，他建议分析分析这些美好的回忆。
“Think of some recent times that were OK to positive. How did they occur? What did you do to help create the situation? What can you do to recreate a more positive environment?” he says. “Recall exceptions to the bitterness.”
他说，“想想最近的那些开心的日子，他们是怎么出现的？你可以做些什么来帮助搭建这样一个情景？你能够做些什么来重新创造一个更加积极乐观的氛围？回忆那些日子，忘记那些辛酸的记忆。”
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